I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for punching my little brother when he got on my nerves when we were younger.

I’m sorry for the times my sister took the blame for things so that I wouldn’t get in trouble.

I’m sorry for talking too much and talking too loud.

I’m sorry for not having very much confidence.

I’m sorry for when I do have confidence, because I get so scared I’m making myself seem like I have a huge ego.

I’m sorry that I get mad when you hang up without saying “I love you.”

I’m sorry for talking in general – for my presence, for my voice, for breathing.

I’m sorry that I never feel like I belong in a room unless I’m in the room by myself, but even then I feel like I’m just taking up space that someone else could use.

I’m sorry that I failed my classes and can’t afford to go back to school.

John Mulaney is my favorite stand-up comedian. He tells a joke about apologizing when someone else pours soup in his lap. I feel like that. Except instead of pouring soup in my lap, you can drain me of every ounce of everything I have and I’d still apologize for it not being enough for you. You can leave me out of plans, ignore me, and treat me like I’m nothing. I’ll apologize for not being someone you want to include in those plans. I’ll apologize for being someone so easily ignored. I’ll apologize for being nothing.

I’m sorry that this is so dark.

I’m sorry that some of you will read this and feel bad, and I’m sorry that some of you will read this and think that I just need to get over it.

I’m sorry that I say “I’m sorry” so much. It’s just my natural response. I’m apologetic for my own existence and I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry.

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